“I want.” A Trauma recovery writing exercise


I WANT…

I want to write even though my thoughts feel like scrambled eggs and sound outrageous.

I want to reach out to people and have people reach out back.

I want to be left alone.  I want to be held.

I want to wear an astronaut’s outfit so I can’t be touched- and a rocket to escape with.

I want to take fifty showers a day with a sandblaster, because I cannot I get clean enough.

I want to change my hair color (again) and my clothes (again) and my job (again) and where I live (again) so when I look in the mirror, there is nothing there to remind me.

I want to build that brick wall back up as quick as I can when I find a hole in it.

I want a delete button hard-wired in my brain.

No… First I want to transfer my memory out into a hard drive, and THEN a delete button.

I want to live on a desert island with my daughter, a bunch of happy female monkeys in touch with their spirituality, with eternal internet and a nice hammock.

I want to stop freezing when I’m frightened.

I want to protect others.

I want to be protected.

I want the guilty to be held accountable.

I want to pound the gavel myself when its time.

I don’t want to be there when it’s time.

 

I. want. Peace. Within myself.

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on ““I want.” A Trauma recovery writing exercise

    • Thank you, James.
      It does not feel like bravery. Feels more like a survival instinct. I am so grateful for my few friends who stand by me because after awhile, you feel like you’re losing your marbles… and you second-guess yourself.
      But that is part of the psychological damage of trauma.

      • Often bravery is getting up in the morning and moving through the day. The people who keep going forward against all odd and against even their own instincts to cut and run are the heroes.
        You are one of them, no doubt about it.

      • Some days I get up off the wrong side of the bed, and other days off the couch instead of the bed..a few times from under the bed.. but I always get up, with either boxing gloves or open arms.

        Thank you, James. You are a rock of literary strength to me. I admire your support and kindness. Best wishes with your iNation book release!

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