Note to self: Wear Clean Panties


Every day is an adventure.

Every day we roll out of bed and open the door.  There are high roads, there are low roads, offered every day.  We would all take the high road if we could.  The air is fresh and clear as far as our eyes can see.  The high road beckons, because it’s so much easier.

Some days though, the high road is closed for maintenance and so, we must take the low road or go nowhere fast.

Honestly, I’ve sat by the maintenance sign for months, nursing my wounds in recovery while waiting for the high road to open.  I’ve eyed the low dark road, shaking my head as the familiar sounds of pain and misery waft from its shadows.

So it’s no surprise that I’ve gone nowhere fast.

Today I dusted off my butt as I took a single step into the dark low road.  I emailed the Beast about parent time and I’m bracing for impact from His attorney.

It is more than swallowing pride, for the fear boils in my stomach.  I’m frightened of the unknowns on the low road.

It is much more than fighting for time with my child.  It is battling the PTSD and confronting the abuse from the Beast.

Someone special decided to love me as I am, and for that, I feel strongly beautiful.  I’m on Pink cloud no.9.   Being in love gave me the gentle push I needed.

Dear Lord, I pray I have clean panties on, because I am scared just a little bit more than shitless.

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