Writing about the sexual damage a survivor struggles with can be tedious, no matter if it happened to you or me. We don’t like to talk about it and none of us want to. It’s a hushed topic in the washroom, or a private confession in Facebook.
However, on my book blog, it is discussed frequently. If you are here, and you read the entire post, chances are you are a woman in recovery or are close to one.
The blog is devoted to women in recovery, and yes it includes erotica because most women after abuse are terrified of physical intimacy.
We all crave it, we all want to be touched and loved, but so many of us shut down after this crisis to our femininity. Some of us never have sexual intimacy again with another person – or worse, we objectify ourselves – and that is a crushing blow to us as females. We cannot get back to one of the best parts of us that separates us from the boys. Our beauty, our grace, and our sexuality.. stripped in an instant that lasts forever if we allow it.
Everyone’s perspective of erotica varies. For some, it might have answered the question of exactly what happened under the covers when she gently closed the door… and for yet others, the word erotica = the Satan Beast at hand.
Pornography steps into the realm of meaningless, casual lust with no strings. It does not really address love, or desires, anguish or personal conflicts. At its core, it is simply sex (simple or extreme) without emotional meaning.
Erotica has an emotional meaning behind it. Erotica is powerful, compelling, and sexually satisfying. Erotica is good for women. It gives us new ideas, and wants. It fires our sexual fantasies. It rekindles our long-lost desires and most definitely, fills the void when we are found wanting. And at it’s core, it is not meant to be objectifying or demoralizing toward women.
If you’re looking for that, well… you are on the wrong blog. Porn is the next aisle over.
There is a paramount difference between erotica and pornography. But even then, arguments vary because you will find the grey areas of souls fallen through the cracks where bondage, pain, etc is their perspective of love- because that was the only way they were able to re-connect to intimacy.
Perhaps another soul who has avoided intimacy for many years would join a book-burning of Fifty Shades of That Book under their perspective that the book was pornography, when really, it’s not even close and they are having difficulty connecting to intimacy.
For me, writing erotica was the pivotal healing point I needed. I couldn’t read or write just any old story. It had to be personal and meaningful, to me. Not to the theys. It had to connect, to me. Everyone’s trauma is unique and what we need to heal will not be the same as what another person needs.
As you take your journey today, remember the mind is intertwined with the body and spirit and when one is hurting or neglected, the rest suffer. However difficult it is, acknowledge the one, because as a whole it affects you and shapes the rest of your life only if you allow it.